I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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