I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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