"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
