i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
