Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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