if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
