my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This house was built for laser tag.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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