i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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