Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
