Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
