you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
