literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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