zippers are such a cool invention
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
