I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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