she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
