drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
