I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
