Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
