Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
