I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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