dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
