I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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