So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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