i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
