I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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