If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
