How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
