shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
