I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
