You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
