The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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