he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
