So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
