im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
