I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Houston, we have a squirter
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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