also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize