That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
