fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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