I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
