where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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