We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
