I love black thongs
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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