I just threw up on my dentist
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I checked into jail on foursquare
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
