We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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