farters have to be the big spoon...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
