I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
