i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
