i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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