We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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