just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
