He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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