I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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