you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
