Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
