Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
