You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
