I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
