is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
