she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
