My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
