Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
