Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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