I need help removing her.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
