Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
